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Shall we pee together?

My Saturday mornings are typically spent sleeping in a bit, reading whatever book I’m addicted to at the time, checking emails, playing Words with Friends, drinking coffee and watching re-runs of One Tree Hill on Soap Network in my pajamas. Yes, really…One Tree Hill. Stop judging me…I can feel your eyes judging these words as you read them!

Last Saturday, however, wasn’t nearly as enjoyable. I spent the morning with Les. Yep, Les and I had a hot date scheduled for 9am sharp. I woke up late, threw on some ratty jeans, a sweatshirt with bleach stains and my 6 year old Uggs, brushed my teeth and grabbed up a cup of coffee from Starbucks on my way to meet him. When I arrived, I’m fairly certain I looked like a combination of a crack whore with my smeared mascara and a homeless person – not an unusual combination where I live (Reno, NV). I promptly checked in and was told that Les had scheduled our date for 8am, not 9am and that I’d have to wait with his other “dates” in the waiting area. There were, in fact, 12 others (who had obviously showered, unlike me) waiting to meet with Les that morning. I felt rejected and frustrated. It would be an hour before Mr. Schwab could even see me or my car whose brakes had been squeaking now for over two weeks.

I took a seat in the waiting area and tried not to feel jealous when the others were called up one by one to the counter to pay for whatever service their car had received. Perhaps if I had actually washed my face and put on deodrant that morning, Les would’ve been more inclined to see me right away. After waiting for an hour and a half, my name still hadn’t been called. I really had to go to the bathroom, so I wandered out and found the women’s restroom. When I opened the door, this is what I found:

I have never seen such a thing. Toilets in tandem…in a women’s public restroom, nonetheless. No stalls. No separation. Just two cozy toilets sitting side by side. Urinals for women. I know men are used to peeing next to eachother with no stalls or walls, but women…not so much (except for the time I was in the bathroom at a frat party and some drunk sorority girl busted in and proceeded to pee in the sink across from me as I peed in the toilet. Even as an intoxicated 21 year old, it was totally awkward.)

I’m just not sure how I feel about this whole set-up. I mean, wouldn’t you feel a little exposed peeing next to someone you don’t know with no privacy? And where are you supposed to look while you’re both doing your business? Straight ahead? Are you supposed to make small talk? And what is the proper etiquette for “the wipe”? Do you politely turn your head so as not to make them feel uncomfortable? And how do you decide who goes in together? Is it just whoever you’re in line with? “Hi, my name is Heather. Looks like we’re up next…shall we pee together?” So many questions, and ones I hope to never have answers for.

Personally, I think Mr. Schwab might have a fetish for women using the restroom together. Who knew he was so kinky?!

15 responses »

  1. Ha, it reminds me of the old skit on SNL, The Love Toilet!

    Reply
  2. I hope you checked for hidden cameras before you made use of the facilities.

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  3. Those toilets are meant for you and I Meem, two tulips from the same bulb….peeing in tandem is just part of the experience.

    Reply
    • So true, Meme, so true! I was thinking that you and Allie would probably be the only two people I could pee in tandem with without feeling uncomfortable. Tulips on toilets. :)

      Reply
  4. Oh man, love this blog – this is why blogging’s so good, you’re able to capture and expose (pardon the verb chose!) everyday weirdness to the world!

    This is odd. I had a nightmare similar to this recently, but I’m pretty sure it was just one toilet in public… not good.

    …Did you get your car fixed?!

    Reply
    • Wow…that really is a nightmare! One toilet in public?! I think I’d rather hold just hold it, or find some bushes outside somewhere. :)

      And, yes, I did finally get my car fixed…3 hours and $350 later!

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      • Lol, well it freaked me out when I woke up – don’t they say you dream about what you think the future holds? Scary thought!

        Glad you got your car, stinking bill though!

  5. I love everything about this post. I have no qualms about peeing with a friend because I don’t really have boundaries with my chick-mances, but random strangers? Yeah. That’s weird.

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    • I’m right there with ya! I’d be okay peeing with a friend or my sister, but not some random old lady who I happened to be in line with! So uncomfortable!! Though it would be fun to synchronize the flushes! :)

      Reply
  6. I knew Reno beat to its own drum but this…… LOL

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  7. *shudders* I’ve had this nightmare before a couple times, last night was one of them, haha. Except in my dream there’s a few more toilets and various people in the bathroom with me.

    Reply

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